Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, Rogers' Core Conditions for Therapeutic Growth & Why Society is Fucked

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs has been meme-d across the internet recently. It's not one of psychology's best models of human needs, IMO, but probably one of the most well known. I studied models like this last year through The Open University (great uni for those like me with chronic disabilities). The basic structure of Maslow's model suggests that human beings first must satisfy their biological needs - hunger, safety, etc - at least to a reasonable degree, you know, to stay alive. Once reasonably accounted for you may nourish the more complex needs of a developing person: social needs - to be loved and cared for, esteem needs - achievement and respect from self and others, and finally, self-actualisation needs.

I think a lot of people who have their basic needs met probably get stuck at love and belonging. Why do I think that? Well, I'm not a researcher, yet, hence the 'I think'. Now, this isn't serious psychological research, obviously, but with a little help from a friend with a sizeable platform, shoutout to Jovan Bradley, I was able to collect some very basic data from his Instagram following. We asked, via his instagram story, 'Do you feel that you experience a true sense of 'love and belongingness' or do you feel this is a real area of struggle?' 2073 people responded to this poll, 59% chose ‘massive struggle’ and the other 41% felt ‘truly loved’. Honestly this was closer than I thought the outcome would be, but that’s a reflection of my own experience I suppose.

Why do people struggle to form meaningful relationships? A sense of belonging? I propose that this issue actually originates with a lack of introspection. And maybe, Maslow had these needs organised in the wrong order. It has been established that the rigid structure Maslow originally proposed was a setback to the model. It's unlikely that there is any specific order to which needs can be met, however, we obviously need to meet our biological needs first. I would propose that esteem needs probably work in a constant flow with needs of love and belonging. Because, in order to belong somewhere, you need to know where you belong. And in order to know where you belong, don't you need to know who you are? For someone with a lack of self-esteem and self-respect, they may accept 'love' and 'belongingness' from people who in fact don't love or respect them at all. It seems like 'basic common sense', honestly that phrase has become so misused today, but really, it does seem clear that in order to develop true love and belonging, we need some level of self-esteem to even recognise this.

This brings me to Carl Rogers' work in person-centred counselling. I loved learning about Rogers' work. Rogers' developed a set of 6 necessary conditions for 'therapeutic growth'. The most interesting, I find, are that of 'congruence' - the need for the therapist to be in touch with their authenticity and reflect this in their communication with their client - 'unconditional positive regard' - the therapist is to accept the client without criticism and judgement - and 'empathy' - this is straight forward. Now, these conditions are meant to be applied to the relationship between a client and therapist, but let's take our knowledge of human development and take a wild guess; If these are the conditions a therapist needs to embody in order for a client to grow, for their 'actualising tendency' to thrive, then if we apply these conditions to a parent-child relationship... Well, it seems obvious. The actualising tendency refers to one's 'innate tendency to move toward growth, maturity, and positive change'.

So why aren't people embodying this actualising tendency? Or are they? I certainly try to keep growing and moving towards my 'organismic self'. My most aligned, authentic state of being. But, to do that, don't I have to have some idea of what I'm moving towards? This is where we circle back, I realise I've taken you down a windy road - somewhat like the road to self-actualisation, if you're anything like me, you'll enjoy symbolism in the most simple things. Anyway, introspection! Yes! We're back on track, so, most people probably don't grow up with perfectly congruent, non-judgemental and always empathetic parents - thus we do not grow up with a true experience of love and belonging. And yes, I would argue that the core conditions Rogers' proposed for a therapeutic relationship are in fact those of true, unconditional love. Which I think few people experience in life, as we are, myself included, subject to being incongruent, judgemental little fucks. Excuse the profanities. So, why do we struggle with this feedback loop: love - esteem? Because we are incongruent, judgemental little fucks. To others, to ourselves, to our kids. What can we do about it? Introspect.

Truly, that's what therapy and counselling is all about. Creating a safe space for introspection. Looking into yourself, and figuring out what the fuck is going on in there. How often can you honestly say you know why you're doing what you're doing? What you want out of what you're doing? What led you to what you're doing? What you feel about what you're doing? And, even more importantly, how often to do you care to ask?

We can likely, hopefully, all agree that the world is in dire need of more empathy. I mean, come on, we live in a capitalist hellscape that thinks communism is evil. Seriously? People actually see a problem with society working as a collective to make sure everyone's basic needs are met and to dispel monopolies. If you're reading this as someone who was just here for the personal psychology, you may be a little taken aback by the notion of communism being a good thing, but seriously, look in to what communism actually is. I recommend checking out Jovan for that, maybe even debate him if you think I'm disastrously wrong. But this really is an issue, people don't want people to be able to be their organismic selves. People don't want you to have access to food, clean water, housing, education, medical care. And why the fuck not? An astounding lack of basic, human empathy. I could talk about this forever. Why do people lack empathy, Katy? As if I'm the expert, please. Remember with every word you read of mine, I really am just some idiot on the internet who loves psychology and has a lot to say about the human condition and the state of society. But, with that in mind, I do have a theoretical answer. A lack of theory of mind; 'understanding that others have beliefs, desires, intentions and perspectives that are different from one's own'. We see this, for example, as a fundamental issue in people's understanding and acceptance of transgender identities, which I have a lot to say about so keep an eye out for that post. A cisgender man would never experience himself as a woman, and therefore may struggle to empathise with a transgender woman's experience and possible desires for transition. So he views it as incorrect, delusion, even. He is a moron.

Theory of mind is something that typically develops in the early years of childhood, so where are we getting stuck? You betcha, we're circling back again - those other core conditions, congruence and unconditional positive regard. First of all, how can we become congruent within ourselves, and therefore in our expression to others, if we lack the introspective skills to do so? Secondly, why would we want to be congruent in a society that shits all over anyone who is? Except of course, for those cis-het white men whose organismic self happens to be a Christian nationalist who truly embodies masculinity and emits leadership quality over all of us mere peasants below him. Fun fact: I don't think this is anyone's organismic self. Well, as stated Rogers' viewed this movement towards congruency as innate, the actualising tendency that exists within us all. So, does it matter - whether we want to be congruent or not? What happens if we don't move towards this actualisation of the organismic self? Take a look around.

Now, as I come to the end of this vaguely academic ramble, you might be left with some questions. I'll list the questions I have and you can let me know via instagram if you thought of any more.

1. What can we do to promote empathy in society today?

2. How can we encourage the development of theory of mind?

3. Why should we give people unconditional positive regard and empathy? Some people surely don't deserve this?

These are great questions, and really fucking important questions today. Bet let's start a little closer to home.

1. What can I do to show myself more empathy today?

2. Are there experiences that I have or have had that I feel others show a lack of understanding for? What about vice-versa?

3. Does anyone provide me with unconditional positive regard? Do I provide it for any one else? Do I provide it for myself?

Again, if you have any more questions you've found yourself asking after reading this, please do let me know. I created this blog as a place to put all my thoughts about psychology, society and its' wellbeing. Any thoughts from those in society are beneficial to the expansion of my own perspective, and I truly hope to get some feedback here. Also, feel free to let me know how you found answering any of the above questions. You'll likely find me answering them continuously through my posts here.